astrology…

okay…so everyone knows their sign, right? initially when someone asks:

“what’s your sign?”

to answer that, you’d most likely give your sun sign. :) therefore, that makes me a taurus, which seems to match my personality, but i always felt something ELSE. i’ve been feeling depressed lately, and not really being able to explain why. there are a million and one things racing through my head, and i feel like i’m not getting ANYWHERE! it’s nothing to complain about or dwell on, but sometimes i just feel so overwhelmed and i just want all my worries to go away so i can start over fresh.

that’s always been my problem. when i was little and made a mistake on my paper, i would crumble it up, and restart the entire process. i always wanted to be one of those people who was content with just crossing out their mistake, and continuing on with their writing. I am the same way in life as I was with those assignments. I want everything to be perfect, and I even remember getting the side eye from one of my ex-boyfriends for saying:

“This isn’t right. Can we just start over? Want to start over?”

His response was very human: “Start over? Why? So everything can be perfect?”

YES.

I have this THING about not wanting anyone to see my flaws. Even thought I know they are right at the surface of my being, you can see them almost instantly after spending a moment to get to know me. I’m impulsive, I take on too many tasks at once, I rarely finish any of the projects I start, I try to please everyone, I constantly put myself last, I take in toxic people and try to heal their problems to make myself feel better, and sometimes I just care too MUCH!

I don’t want people to see these things, and when things get out of hand, I most often just yearn for a clean slate. Well, I’ve learned that life doesn’t give us too many fresh starts. Especially after our college years. The mistakes you make stick with you and shape who you are, and EVERYONE knows about them. :sigh:

Another one of my problems: RAMBLING.

Back to what I was saying…I’m a taurus, as far as sun signs go. And that’s lovely. Loyal, nurturing, playful, stubborn, and driven. Nice :)

But what happens when the sun sets? The moon appears…as does my Scorpio side. :) Now I just learned this about myself today. The website I visited said that your moon sign is who you REALLY are. Whenever people mention Scorpios, the first thing that’s mentioned is that they’re very sexually charged. When I think of myself, and the way I felt about things in college, it all seems very accurate. During the day I wanted to rush around taking care of everything and planning for my future…I was bright and cheerful and wanted to get things DONE. (Unless I was in one of my depressing moods, in which case I couldn’t leave the bed)

At night, however, all I could think of was drinking…smoke filled bars…tons of laughter…and eventually…when you now what comes next when you mix the night and drinking…and it never failed. It was almost like I was a totally different person at night. Very intense. And now that I understand what my moon sign is…very interesting.

It also says that Scorpios enjoy soaking in hot water…and this is most definitely one of my favorite things to do. As hot as I can stand it…soaking until I feel every toxin has left my body…and then finishing it off with body cream…and ending it either alone and satisfied in my bed…or longing to share that energy from the bath with someone else.

whoa.

Now let’s move on to the Mercury sign: how you think. And I am an ARIES. This one also makes sense to me, because it states that i’m quick thinking, and don’t have time to focus on every detail. No matter how important something is to me, I’d rather take it, unwrap it, and start using it….THAT is the best way for me to learn something. When I got my new camera, i put the manual to the side and just started taking pictures…learning the settings as I went along. And in a more figurative sense, in relationships…most of the time I barely know the person…I just build the relationship off a feeling.

Which is usually SO inaccurate -_-

It also stated that I take the useful information and disregard whatever I feel may be irrelevant. It was also completely truthful when it said that I don’t like being bogged down by too much information. If someone is telling me how to do something, and they’re using TOO MUCH verbage, I will simply tune out most of what they’re saying, and start on the task at hand while politely smiling and nodding. Simply because, hey :) I don’t need ALL of that. But I don’t want to be rude. :)

“They are restless and full of nervous energy.”

again…me. i HAVE to be doing something…and when i AM doing something, and it gets old? :sigh: watch out…i probably won’t be there much longer. i probably won’t even say goodbye.

The last thing that really stood out to me about Aries in Mercury is that obstacles for us, seem terribly disheartening. No matter what it is, if I’m doing well, and the flow is going great, but then something happens to throw me off…i’m not good at just smiling and “overcoming”. It’s almost like “GRAAAHHH, can’t anything just go SMOOTHLY for me, EVER?!?! :(“

lol.

…taking a break to read the rest…be back later :) maybe!

thinking :)

i was just reflecting for a moment…and i had an epiphany of sorts…

about love. :)

i think i got this from my father…i saw it the other day in his actions. he’d NEVER admit this…and neither would i except for right at this moment…but when we love someone…we become rather obsessed. and not in the sickening way, either. of course not…but like…you become a part of us. my father states again and again…he only has two people…my mother, and me. and he always says he prays for the two of us…because “we’re all he has…and to take us away from him just wouldn’t be right.” he NEEDS us. most people have cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents…yeahh…we don’t. very small family…the rest of our family is so foreign…it would be like trying to make friends with total strangers…so i understand.

the other day i was on my way out in the snow…the roads were really bad…my dad shoveled my car out of the snow and cleaned my car perfectly…i had a perfect path to drive out onto the road because of him…but i had to get home…i remember my mother standing in the doorway … OBVIOUSLY anxious and not trying to hide it…and she waved nervously…and i turned to wave to my dad, and he’d already turned his back and started talking to my neighbor.

when i was a teenaged girl, i probably would have taken that as “he doesn’t care about me…” but now i understand. i TOTALLY understand. i think that i understand SO much that i could have PLAYED that exact scene out AS my father. he turned his back because he was afraid of what could happen to me trying to drive back home to fairfax. rather than worrying and dealing with it, he escaped and talked to the neighbor. and there’s NOTHING wrong with that, because this is what i do. while my mother worries herself over us…not being able to sleep until she knows for sure everyone is safe…my father and i try to keep busy with other things so that we DON’T worry about those that we love. and it doesn’t mean we love you any less…it means that if something were to happen to the ones we loved…we’d just die. it would just hurt too bad…so we ignore it…until we’re brought back to reality and realize that you’re okay. (this explains the fear we both have of hospitals…:sigh:)

i get it. :) i really do….it feels so nice to understand him..and to understand myself. he’s right…we ARE alike.

this is something that i HATE talking about, but what can you do? haha…i feel a little different about things though…so many life altering things have happened this year that made me stop and think:

“i thought 2010 was supposed to be the year of happiness and change?”

now it seems like it’s the year of learning experiences. the year of struggle. the year of being strong. the year of tears. the year of family.

whatever the case, i’ve become OBSCENELY strong. after hearing the news about my mom, i fell apart at the seams. before this, i felt i could make it through anything. i’ve been through so much as an individual, but that’s just ME…who cares? but my MOMMIE? …no…unfair. i remember walking out of the hospital pretending everything was fine…and taking advantage of those five minutes alone to cry in the parking lot, get the car, and drive back to get her. later on that day, the sun started to shine, and i smiled and looked up at the sky and thanked God for smiling down on me. But then…i became angry…wondering how someone so beautiful and so kind, could be struck with such an illness…she’s done nothing but good for us. Her goal was to be a great mom, and she’s surpassed that. She’s my best friend, my mother, and my hero. I simply didn’t understand WHY she had to always be the one hurting.

PISSED.

after the anger faded…i felt guilt…i couldn’t keep food down…i lost my appetite…and all i did was sleep. i had nightmares, and i couldn’t sleep without “Sex and the City” playing…i felt so alone, and no one could fix it. i felt like it was my fault. maybe if i’d been a better daughter, she wouldn’t have been so stressed, and wouldn’t have become sick. it was my fault. :(

but then i realized that sometimes things happen to wake us up, and to FORCE us to appreciate those that we love. i NEVER forgot about how much i loved my family, and they were always number one. but there was a time in my life that was so clouded with toxic friendships and actions, that it seemed like i didn’t care. that was my escape…hanging out with the wrong people and spending too much time on things that didn’t matter.

now i know that family should always come first, and it feels so good to be consistent with that. it feels good to get a phonecall to hang out, but respond with:

“aww no i’m cool :) watching hgtv with mom.”

my family is my life. :) and recently we got a new member…ashley…she’s become my life too…my sister. so i’ve got mommie, daddy, ashley, and desi…(miss you juli…wtf who dies on valentine’s day?!) …:sigh: and when that special someone comes along…they will have a special place as well.

eboni always told me that both good AND bad things come in threes. i can’t wait for the good to come…and i hope it all goes to my parents and ashley. :)

much love…that was a good vent. *muah*

important…

“Let us be of good cheer, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those that never happen.” ♥

this quote will help me get through what seems like the toughest times.

beautiful. :) i sent it to mommie, ashley, and jersson. :)

*sigh*

Today is the day that I took my mother to the doctor and learned that she MAY have colon cancer. The doctor isn’t positive, but he’s “pretty sure” *sigh* It was the worst possible news. I love her so much, and she is so special to me. She’s an amazing Mother and Wife. I know she will be okay. I believe everything will be fine and I have NO doubts. However, it doesn’t stop me from crying every half hour. I’m afraid. I love my mother so much. I just want her to be happy and get a chance to spoil herself VERY soon. Mommie :) You mean more to me than anyone I’ve ever known. You always believe in me when no one else does. You’re the only person can comfort me when everything seems to be going wrong. I can’t wait to do everything I can for you…like you ALWAYS did for me. :) Today, I am grateful for my mother, my father, my best friend, and prayer. *positve thoughts*

grateful :)

i love my best friend, first of all.

i also love my mother and father…they are literally the BEST. they make my heart sparkle.

i pray for this trio every night… <3

:Sigh:

tonight i’m grateful for:

1) a new year and a fresh start :)

2) my beautiful family/best friend

3) samesies sundays…even tho i almost burned the house down HAHAHAHA super hilarious…i’ll never forget that.

coughing and trying to steam spinach…HEY! the recipe lied!

*big kisses*

motivated to write that book!!!

Well Hello There! :)

I haven’t been posting, and I’m SORRY! There’s no excuse…I just haven’t been feeling like myself.

One of my good friends once said: “When my purse is a mess, my LIFE is a mess!”

Hilarious…but true. And not only was my PURSE a mess, but my apartment was a mess. Which meant I never had a moment to myself, to just sit and meditate on what I’m grateful for. I always felt like everything was in shambles. I had absolutely NO motivation, and I had a million thoughts rushing through my mind.

Now, I’ve forced myself to revert back to the “OG Dayna” lol…and relax. Worrying does absolutely nothing but set us back, taint our health, and clutter our minds. No more!

And with this new year coming up, there’s only good that can come from this.

In 2009, I had a year filled with ups and downs. I’m so grateful that I made it through, because there were a few times that I simply didn’t want to try anymore. *pats on the back for never giving up on myself* :)

My new years resolution is kind of a broad statement that will cover MANY different areas in my life. I don’t want any negativity whatsoever, and with recent experiences, I now understand how INCREDIBLY strong I am, and that I can do ANYTHING if I WANT to. I just have to want it. ;)

So in 2010 (that is so pretty written out) I will dedicate the entire year to learning about MYSELF, my career, my family, and my friends. That’s it. If something doesn’t fit into those categories in some way, then I won’t be able to make time for it this year. :) It’s time to focus on what’s IMPORTANT! :)

Which is why I will be bringing the new year in with my Mommie, while on the phone with my Dad (since he’ll have to work), my best friend (who is three hours behind us in sacramento), and my doggie, Desi.

i love you all! {{Hugs}} LET’S DO THIS!

whoa…sleepy!

i’m super tired … but a promise is a promise :)

today was lovely…and i’m grateful for:

1) the conversation i had with my dad today (almost lasted two hours!)

2) the job offer i received and the security i feel about the position

3) the movie 300

You simply MUST see that movie. I know I’m about three hundred years late seeing 300, lol, but nevermind that…just make sure you’ve seen it. And if you have, watch it again…and again! LOVED IT!

I can’t wait to get “the phonecall” tomorrow. Very excited about my future at this point.

And tomorrow I need to get my SLR camera fixed so I can start taking weardrobe pictures…:D

…also, I want these shoes…

…and this dress…

The dress is on sale from $188 to $99 dollars!!! CHRISTMAS! …and the shoes are on sale for $50. :)

Good times! :) Can’t wait…I’ve wanted this dress forever. And the shoes are pure happiness.

I wanna go on a date!! :) Let’s work on that! tee hee!

Nite! *big hugs*